The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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