My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
