The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
