went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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