found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
