Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
