Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
