i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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