I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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