Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Farmville is her only friend.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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