Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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