My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
