I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it's like iHOP with fire
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
