I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
