You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
