if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
