its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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