Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
