Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were trust falling into bushes
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
