This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
40s are totally the cure
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
