You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
