I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
