I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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