I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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