Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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