i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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