My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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