dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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