forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
