I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
