Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
