your parents love me but you hate me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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