if you like me you must not know who I am
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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