my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
