she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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