my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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