my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Too much gin, very little bucket
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
