So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
