Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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