Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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