I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
