I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
