I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
