Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
