I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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