She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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