I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
