i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
