And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
