is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
