Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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