Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
