Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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