I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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