i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
